i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
they need to just BURY HIM!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
