I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Even my vagina gasped.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drunk is not a location!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
