I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
