i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
