when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
