You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
