Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
