I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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