we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize