i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
