Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
