Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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