Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
