theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
