I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
