Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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