apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Randomize
