I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
