Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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