It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
