So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
