This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
