i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
