you win again, gameday.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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