I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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