is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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