Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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