my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
nutella sex= disaster
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What a dumb baby whore.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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