do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize