found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
