this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
