She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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