What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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