Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
