I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
