About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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