then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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