HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
