dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
