I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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