oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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