Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize