Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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