i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
