after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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