Pappa wants mamma naked
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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