So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
