How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
