I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
