he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
