I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
