official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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