she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
