i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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