i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
