I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
