Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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