She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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