Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
