i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
please come you make the beer taste better
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
