Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
