Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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