i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
