Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
