So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
