i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
