Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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