So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
