Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
