The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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