I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
