If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
