His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
