I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
