You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
