so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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