Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
