he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
40s are totally the cure
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
