Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I CAN MOONWALK!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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