her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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