Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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