i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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