i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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