we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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