This is not my ceiling
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
