so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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