you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck