Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
