you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small