Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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