You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet