Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
