drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
