Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
MIDGETS
????
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
